One of the most destructive forces in our world.
Experiences involving loneliness account for an average of 7% of the damage to the energy system.
Loneliness is not an emotion.
It’s a state of being.
You might feel lonely but the experience of being lonely is far more stressful to your body, mind and energy.
I’m not talking about being alone.
Just simply being on your own can be done in a million different ways, many of them enjoyable.
Alone does not automatically equate to lonely.
We’ve all felt the sense of separation in a group of people, where even surrounded by others we feel lonely, disconnected and not included.
Even this isn’t true loneliness because there is always hope of connection.
You can only experience the darkest depths of loneliness when you’re alone.
It is a combination of isolation, disconnection and helplessness – feeling that you are in a void, have no-one to talk to, and in particular a genuine belief that no-one really wants to talk to you.
Add in to this a trauma that you actually need to talk about, and the stress in your system escalates further.
Most of us have experienced loneliness at one or more times.
It makes us question our worth, doubt our likeability, damages our confidence and makes us feel like a failure.
The ripple effect into our lives is huge – and feeling unworthy, unlikeable, unconfident and like a failure does little for our ability to connect with others.
It can be a very destructive cycle – we experience loneliness, so we begin to put up walls and defences to protect ourselves from loneliness, which makes us even harder to connect to and, of course, we’re then even more likely to be lonely.
We all have different beliefs about loneliness.
My experience of being lonely when I changed jobs was mixed in with – and compounded by – embarrassment.
I felt ashamed that I was lonely.
God forbid anyone would know I didn’t have anything to do at a weekend – my life should be full of fun and action and laughter and photos worthy of a magazine.
I felt like a failure, it was a weakness I didn’t want to admit.
So what did I do?
Read a lot. Smoked a lot. Watched a lot of TV.
None of those things are great for your social life.
Luckily I had to go to work, so I made new friends and reconnected with my old friends too.
The pain of that time lingered with me though, a whisper of a taunting ghost – an almost-silent reminder of the time when one boy at school was able to turn my entire group of friends against me overnight.
When I think about that now, I think my way of dealing with it – brave face, spending every lunch time studying so I could ace my exams and get the fuck out of there – actually compounded whatever he had told them and made it last far longer than if I had just shown vulnerability, told my friends that I was devastated and opened up a conversation about it.
For many, many years I was terrified of doing or saying the wrong thing that would cause the same thing to happen again, finding it hard to completely trust and relax into friendships and wondering when they would end.
When we subconsciously attribute our loneliness to a particular way we behaved or thing we said, then we start to modify our behaviour and become less of our true selves.
And what do you think this does to our chances to authentic connection with others?
The truth is that the authentic you IS someone other people want to connect to.
Maybe that wasn’t the case when you were a kid, surrounded by other kids terrified of being their authentic selves.
But you’re an adult now.
Other adults want to connect to the real you.
Loneliness is part of the human experience.
It allows us to truly appreciate the joy of connection and friendship.
These contrasts allow us to learn and grow.
Can you spot the lonely person in the group and feel their pain?
Are you the one that catches their eye or gives them a hug?
Do you feel the magic of gratitude when you are surrounded by friends?
Like most of us, you can probably recall some incidences where you experienced loneliness.
I know it’s painful to think about it.
Even after twenty two years I can still cry if I think about those lonely lunchtimes hard enough.
But I’m lucky.
I’ve been able to do a lot of healing work around that old pain, so these days I am one hundred times more capable of authentic connection than I have ever been.
That’s why I’m dedicating this entire month to helping people with their past pain, trauma and experiences related to loneliness.
I can’t promise this work will be easy.
You might have to dig deep for a few minutes every week and connect to some old pain so that I can release it for you.
But it will be worth it.
It will change you.
When we drop the old baggage, shed the heavy coat of protection, we travel lighter and we shine brighter.
It’s an undeniable fact.
Please let me help you in October.
My group is a supportive and genuinely loving space, held by me, especially for people like you.
It’s time to say goodbye to loneliness – and hello to the authentic, beautiful, real you.
You’ll find us here, the group is called Prosperity Prescription 2.0.
Come and join the family, we’re waiting for you.
PS – Click here to find out more about Prosperity Prescription 2.0, I can’t wait to meet you.