Well this is embarrassing.
But I have a confession.
And an invitation to a celebration.
Remember when I launched Prosperity Prescription 2.0 in the summer?
I talked about it a LOT.
For two weeks, non-stop.
And then since then, unless you’re in the programme, you probably haven’t heard anything about it.
There’s a reason for that.
The launch was so successful that I was embarrassed to talk about it.
Yep, the queen of smashing upper limits, smacked head first into her own and has been subconsciously crippled by it ever since.
It was all going pretty well.
I was working hard, putting in long hours and pushing the launch boulder up the mountain.
The sales were coming in fairly steadily but slow enough to keep me pushing.
I was determined (my ego was determined) to ‘beat’ last year’s total of $45,267.
I was coming up against all sorts of inner ‘stuff’ during the launch and clearing it and moving forward, and clearing it again.
I did a lot of ‘growing’. It was uncomfortable but that in itself was kind of comforting.
Because I was trying hard.
A mantra from my childhood – “Well done, you tried really hard then, whatever happens, no-one can say you didn’t try hard.”
So if I was trying hard, then the outcome was fine whatever happened –
Try hard and fail, well at least I tried hard.
Try hard and succeed, well then I deserved it.
The night before the early-bird price ended, I was getting near the $40k mark.
That felt good. I was going to be close enough to last year not to feel like a failure.
My husband wasn’t going to be looking for another teaching job.
So I relaxed.
I celebrated with my family.
And the sales started flooding in.
Over the next 48 hours the total rose to $72,000.
On one hand I was ecstatic, thrilled, joyful.
And on the other hand I didn’t know how to handle it.
I hadn’t worked hard for that final $32,000.
Therefore did I really deserve it?
I had smacked into the upper limit of what I felt I was worth and deserving of.
And so I kept quiet about it.
I mentioned it once, hidden in a blog post where I also outed myself for not saving any money and spending ‘too much’ – to play down my achievements and make it ‘ok’ that I’d made this money.
I didn’t realise how much the shame of it was affecting me until yesterday.
I was wondering why people weren’t still joining Prosperity Prescription, so I started muscle-testing for some answers.
I found two things.
One – that people didn’t know it was still open because I have hardly mentioned it since.
Two – that I hadn’t been truly grateful for the financial gifts I’d received. Essentially I’d told the Universe ‘no more’ by failing to make a public declaration of thanks.
Now I’m not saying that everyone has to make a public declaration of thanks for the great things they receive (although the world be awesome if they did.)
But in my role as an expert in changing your energy so that you can make more money whilst really enjoying yourself, it’s really important for me to talk about these things.
I have a responsibility to my ‘online family’ and my clients, and anyone who is inspired to change their relationship to money, to be totally open about these things – I have to practise what I preach.
But for the last few months my subconscious has been playing a subliminal recording that I just didn’t pick up on. It was whispering…
You didn’t earn this. You don’t deserve it. You better not fricking tell anyone or people will HATE you, and your friends will desert you. You didn’t work hard enough for it and so you better not enjoy it. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Up on the surface things are ok, I’ve had tricky days and great days and everything in between.
But always a sense that something wasn’t quite right.
And truly, on some level, knowing that it was tied to that $72,000 and trying really hard to ignore it, because what the hell sort of idiot is going to admit making that sort of money for not a huge amount of effort?
Well, this idiot is.
Because the truth is this – feeling shitty about not deserving it meant that I didn’t speak sincerely about it. And being insincere about things always makes me feel shitty. And feeling shitty meant that I couldn’t be sincere.
See the cycle? A washing machine stuck on a spin cycle of shame.
After doing some work around this over the last couple of days, I now know this:
I’m more attached to my own values of sincerity, honesty, and integrity than I am to anything else.
So here it is.
A public declaration that I made a lot of money.
A public apology to the people that joined the programme that we didn’t celebrate the launch. An apology to those that love me, that I didn’t feel deserving enough of the money – or your love – to celebrate with you.
And a public invitation to you to do two things –
One, is to celebrate with me, because I would really appreciate it.
Two, is to think about this –
If you’re feeling a bit ‘off’ or out of alignment, ask yourself –
What is the last thing that you received that was fantastic?
On some level, did you feel you didn’t deserve it?
And if so, why?
And when you’ve taken a few minutes to figure that out, send me a message or a comment or an email, and tell me – so that I can celebrate with you, and tell you that you, 100%, deserved it.
I truly love to celebrate other people’s success and joy and gifts, and I’d be honoured to celebrate with you, and in doing so we invite the Universe to send us more of the same – and better.
To a 2016 of celebration, rising higher and acting in alignment…
Sending so much love
The Energy Editor